I met with some new clients this afternoon, a couple (husband early 50's, wife mid 40's), about furnishing rooms for two children. They told me the rooms are for a sibling pair they are adopting from Ukraine. The boy is four and the girl is eight. They are expecting to fly back to Ukraine in a couple of weeks to get the children (not sure why they waited until this late to start preparing the children's rooms, but oh well). I mentioned some of what I have read on this forum about the speed at which children learn English. I mentioned that Memphis has a very small Russian speaking community and wondered if it will be hard to find other Russian speakers to interact with the children. They seemed confused, like it was completely irrelevant or strange for the children to retain their native language. Then they completely shocked me. I asked the names of the children. They told me the names were Viktor and Natasha, but proudly announced that they have already had the names legally changed to Sam and Claire. I thought I must have misunderstood. "You changed their names? Their first names? Won't that confuse them?" I hadn't misunderstood. The wife said Natasha doesn't like it, but that she would just have to get used to being named Claire. Their former names are not that uncommon in the US, not hard to pronounce. I just got the impression this couple is just determined to destroy any former identity and nationality these children have, to immediately turn them into good little redneck, southern, bible-belt Americans. I must have looked as horrified as I felt. They got a little defensive about it, claimed it was common to change the names. Surely, that cannot be common. I hope it isn't. It is bad enough for the four year old, unthinkable for the eight year old. I remember being eight, clearly. I was a person with a personality and an identity. I'm still disturbed by it tonight, many hours later. These children are going to have enough change and confusion... new country, new family, new language, new everything. Why force them to have new first names? “No one but a fool is always right.” -David Hare

oh that sucks so much.. you know i feel that they have this feeling "we can do anything, since we save them from living in cruel society".. but these guys you've met really smell.. i hope those kids will lbe fine.. they are just like Harry Potters.. must to survive!.. 0_o [url="http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=684817"] [/url]

---

music of meah

My ex adopted a Ukranian boy of 8, besides having two of her own. His name is Sergiy, Ukranian form of Russian Sergey. She said the name stays, and the boy keeps his Ukranian citizenship. Feel better?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by 412: She said the name stays, and the boy keeps his Ukranian citizenship. Feel better?

---

...yeah... that's phucking luuuv. who was that moron who let her adopt?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by 412: Feel better?

---

Not really, not in regard to that couple anyway. I can't shake the impression that they don't really give a damn about these two children. They just need a couple of young, warm bodies to fulfill their own hysterical, hormonally driven desire for progeny and Asian children wouldn't have been "white" enough to maintain the illusion.

quote:

---

Originally posted by pomidorchik: ...yeah... that's phucking luuuv. who was that moron who let her adopt?

---

Excuse me?

---

I worked with someone who adopted a Hispanic child (it was a US adoption), who had a Hispanic name. The baby was few weeks old though- the family renamed him- not only the last name was changed but the first name also (did a naming ceremony at a synagogue), then the adoption papers were sealed. I really do not know what to think about the situation when the child is only few weeks old. I see nothing wrong with keeping the first name and giving him the new family last name. But they thought otherwise. I think it would create stress, confusion and some misunderstanding in in the mind of four and eight year old persons. The question is why change their first names?- What is wrong for Viktor to become Victor, and Natalia to be called Natalie?- May be this couple has some reason that would amount to something bigger than-"we want it this way", "we always liked the names", "we saved you- we do as we please"....

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by 412:

quote:

---

Originally posted by pomidorchik: ...yeah... that's phucking luuuv. who was that moron who let her adopt?

---

Excuse me?

---

?? from what i understood, that chick didn't want to petition for that kid's american citizenship, unless she could change his name. wouldn't any normal person want to give that kid american citizenship, regardless of his name. am i wrong here? why would she want to keep his ukrainian citizenship after bringing him here?? what's the point?

---

maybe those two guys you mentioned LEah have lost their Clar and Bar or what was that.. and they've finally got some money to replace them, who knows.. but it sucks anyways. [url="http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=684817"] [/url]

---

music of meah

quote:

---

Originally posted by pomidorchik: ?? from what i understood, that chick didn't want to petition for that kid's american citizenship, unless she could change his name. wouldn't any normal person want to give that kid american citizenship, regardless of his name. am i wrong here? why would she want to keep his ukrainian citizenship after bringing him here?? what's the point?

---

You are not shining today. Two words for you: dual citizenship.

---

I feel bad about this too. Could you have said anything to them? I mean about the fact that this name changing is such a bad idea. I guess the only good thing about this couple is that they decided to adopt the two kids together. It could have very well been them only wanting one or the other. It is not unusual for new parents to change first names of their adopted children. I have seen a Sergey who became Stephen. I think he was 3 or 4 years old. His older sister Viktoria got to keep her name, with a "k" changed to a "c". This couple's relative also went to Russia to adopt. She came back with 8 year old twins whose names I can't remember. I can only remember that their names were changed to something not even similar. Since the girls spoke no English I was asked to translate a few things to them. When I asked what they thought of their new names, they giggled and still referred to each other by their "old" names. They told me that they'd play this new name game in the presence of their new mother but will continue referring to each other like they used to. As far as changing a name of a baby - I see nothing wrong with that. Having adoption records sealed - nothing wrong with that either. Not everyone wants their teenage child to suddenly announce that his adoptive parents are not real parents. If such child lives life of blissful ignorance, then there is no problem. However, if a child knows about his/her adoption, whether it is an open or closed one, there's a guaranteed period of turmoil. Not every adoptive parent want to go through that and they just choose not to tell. In Russia, many adopted children NEVER knew they were adopted. People used to change residencies and move far away from the neighbors or others who knew about adoption so the child would never find out.

---

The name changing isn't really what is bad, the real problem is that children are going to loose their childhood if i do understand how our memory works.. wel.. and it surely not is best variant with parents, reasons are written above very well.. btw, dual citizenship sucks cause it's not always for a good.. :) [url="http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=684817"] [/url]

---

music of meah

quote:

---

Originally posted by 412: You are not shining today.

---

i never shine.....i burn like a start:-)

---

The kids were in an orphanage. The kids were abandoned by any real family they had in Ukraine. The point is that those kids will never be taken back to Ukraine by their new parents. Why have a Ukranian name - it is a symbol of a past life? They are starting a new and better life here with parents that will care for them. Ukranian names are a reminder that they were abandoned by their blood relatives and had a horrible life in an orphanage. If these parents went to enough work to go all the way over their to adopt, they have probably spent a good deal of time analyzing whether they should change their names. Rather than be horrified by a name change, how about giving the parents credit for adopting the boy and the girl and now giving them a much better life here - a life full of opportunity and no doubt love by 2 parents who could not have kids of their own. "Your ad here"

---

"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable."

quote:

---

Originally posted by green_minstrey: btw, dual citizenship sucks cause it's not always for a good.. :)

---

Oh, please do explain to me the downfalls. . .

---