Leah, so then why the irritation? Why the hesitation to enter the topic? As I said earlier - sounds like everyone can argue that they've decided what's best for them. The confidence in that decision seems to be there in words. So live the life you've selected and there's nothing to be insecure about. I do not think people are as confident in their decisions as they like to appear.. Just a theory. And instinct cannot be selected. Instincts don't discriminate. We can just bury them under other stuff sometimes. This is one of those things. Its fairly obvious that without the frontal lobe of the brain, in nature every living thing reproduces IMMEDIATELY upon sexual maturity. Right? The frontal lobe is what separates us. That's where we cook up these calculations which eventually hypnotise us and kill many instincts.. not just this one. But we are insecure under that hypnosis. because we really know everything subconsciously. Subconsciously, there is no question.. nothing to discuss. ________________________________________ "Я это понимаю на рациональном уровне, но не могу принять на эмоциональном" --Бизнесмен Борис Березовский

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"Я это понимаю на рациональном уровне, но не могу принять на эмоциональном" --Бизнесмен Борис Березовский

James Bond! As a single mom I want to be emotional. :) Do you have kids? I have never met a person who say they are sorry to have kids! My kid was not planned and I was thinking about "table food" and saying to myself OMG what I am going to do and you know that's the best thing ever happened to me. And trust me it's all the same - very easy to find man/new relationship and dating pool is not less and "lack of food" is nothing and nothing changed with having a child it just gets better! And I want another one :) Instinct!

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Egor - huh??? Your post is deserving of a frontal lobe lobotomy. lol 1. Rational humans put good sense above instinct. 2. Don't assume that the subconcious can be trusted or is worthy of putting your faith in - after all, the definition of 'sub-concious' is not knowing exactly what you are thinking! Otherwise it would be concious. The fact is, most of us DO make bad decisions because of bad 'instincts' That is nothing to be proud of. Listen to your inner voice: How to Listen to Your Intuition Rev-up your intuition by starting to use it for less important decision-making choices such as the right meal to eat or the best movie to see. - When making important decisions, get quiet and ask yourself for guidance. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and focus on a question. Notice any images, thoughts, sounds or feelings that occur to you. - Be willing to make mistakes in order to strengthen your relationship with your inner guidance system. As you learn to listen to your intuition act on the wisdom you receive even if you're not sure whether or not it's the right direction. Learning to trust your self and act accordingly is more important than making the right choice at first. - Don't worry about making the "perfect" decision.

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"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable."

TallySally - are you married or single? Your profile says married. Which is it? Just in case I want to date you.... I never said don't have kids - I'm just pointing out the pitfalls that many women do not think about BEFORE having kids. Of course, AFTER you have kids you make the best of it. I'm glad you are making the best of it. And I never said don't be emotional. You can't help that! lol

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"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable."

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Originally posted by James Bond: Egor - huh??? Your post is deserving of a frontal lobe lobotomy. lol

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No, u just don't read carefully

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Originally posted by James Bond: 1. Rational humans put good sense above instinct.

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that's exactly what i was saying actually. Didn;t i say i am almost 30? Look at the title of this topic. You've discussed everything but that ________________________________________ "Я это понимаю на рациональном уровне, но не могу принять на эмоциональном" --Бизнесмен Борис Березовский

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"Я это понимаю на рациональном уровне, но не могу принять на эмоциональном" --Бизнесмен Борис Березовский

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Originally posted by Egor: Leah, so then why the irritation?

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The reason for my irritation should be obvious. You suggested that my "marketable traits" might be in decline.

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Originally posted by Egor: Why the hesitation to enter the topic?

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Far more complicated... It is a highly charged topic and I am prone to changing my mind about lots of other things, so.... What if I wake up at 40 in a panic and have limited time? What if I wake up at 50 or 60 and regret what I didn't do? What if I wake up tomorrow and want them, go through all that must be done to try, and then can't? Additionally, I don't think you realize, as a man, how much this topic comes up for women. Complete strangers feel they have the right to comment about my reproductive status and often do. That is a violation.

that's what i meant after having kids nobody remembers that there were doubts :)

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Originally posted by Leah:

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Originally posted by ribelk:

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Originally posted by KGBMan:

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Originally posted by Minime21: as fas as I understand that whole point of this topic is that Alinka doesn't want to change just because someone wants to have kids with her in future.

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Ага, but she's gonna change anyway, 'cause it's built-in. Standard equipment.

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No, it's not.....it's not one of your bodily function.... and you don't just download babies....It's NOT standard... nor should it be....

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Thank you, Ribelk! KGBMan, women are not mere incubators driven merely by one biological urge- and we are not supposed to be. If we were, we wouldn't also have brains, ambitions, opinions, etc. Some women want to have children. Some don't. Just as some men want them and some don't. Don't assume we are all the same and don't assume you know more about Alina than Alina does regarding what she will or will not want.

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I never said you or women are like that, but urge to have babies is built in in your genes . It's a scientific fact. All other stuff is secondary. It can take over, but eventualy nature takes its course. For some women it may happend after their reproductive cicle is over.... and don;t feel bad - man have the same built in urge - to spread our seed. Find me one 70 year old man who doesn't want children or grand children if he doesn't already have them ?

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- Независимость - это когда в 20-й раз наступаешь на одни и те же грабли, а русские уже ни при чем....

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Originally posted by Leah:

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Originally posted by Egor: Leah, so then why the irritation?

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The reason for my irritation should be obvious. You suggested that my "marketable traits" might be in decline.

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Originally posted by Egor: Why the hesitation to enter the topic?

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Far more complicated... It is a highly charged topic and I am prone to changing my mind about lots of other things, so.... What if I wake up at 40 in a panic and have limited time? What if I wake up at 50 or 60 and regret what I didn't do? What if I wake up tomorrow and want them, go through all that must be done to try, and then can't? Additionally, I don't think you realize, as a man, how much this topic comes up for women. Complete strangers feel they have the right to comment about my reproductive status and often do. That is a violation.

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You used the word "my" a lot of times here.. I just want you to go back and see that these things were not said or implied about "you" any more than me, or than anyone else here, or on this planet :) And these aren't unknown things.. sexual attraction fades w age.. Why can't a discussion like that be had on the basis of pure reason? We all are facing it, it doesn't have to be treated like a cancer. So the best bet, i think everyone here agrees is to just do what makes you happy. If it's a hard decision, maybe more than one thing can make you happy :) ________________________________________ "Я это понимаю на рациональном уровне, но не могу принять на эмоциональном" --Бизнесмен Борис Березовский

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"Я это понимаю на рациональном уровне, но не могу принять на эмоциональном" --Бизнесмен Борис Березовский

I tell ya one thing and you probably already heard it millions of times, but babies are GREAT. it's AWESOME when they start smiling, when achieve something. first smiles, words, first steps, daycares, first projects, drawings....every single time it'll put SO MUCH happiness in your heart that you can't even think of before you have a child. YES, it is a responsibility for another person. YES, you'll most of your life dedicate to that little person. YES, you'll spend sleepless nights calming them down. ...and there are plenty of other things that you'll do for your child BUT IT's ALL WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! for some pple it's the hardest decision, but I will never believe one single person when they're like 65 or something years old saying that they are happy w/o having kids and their dogs are their kids. and if they really are they have NO idea what they're missing. ...if you don't want to experience that kind of HAPPINESS, oh well! it's one of those decisions that you make on your own. it's you who have to live with that.

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Minime, you would make a great saleswoman! I agree that everyone probably has heard this already.. Even James Bond For me personally it is easy to see that you are right. Even though I've never experienced it, I know you are right. Just always said "why now?" ________________________________________ "Я это понимаю на рациональном уровне, но не могу принять на эмоциональном" --Бизнесмен Борис Березовский

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"Я это понимаю на рациональном уровне, но не могу принять на эмоциональном" --Бизнесмен Борис Березовский

It's all freakin' complicated. Leah, I agree with you about the fact that total strangers or half-strangers often comment about your lack of kids. "So what are you guys going to make it 3 of you?" etc. Other annoyances include the fear of not being able to conceive, for example. Or having something go wrong during pregnancy, etc. etc. Men don't really have those issues. I don't really go all googly over other people's kids. I like the children of my friends, but that's about it. I don't like whiny kids, I don't like ugly kids (yes, kids can be ugly), etc. Of course all this is in reference to the children of OTHERS. If my child is whiny or ugly (impossible!), I'll adore him anyways. :) Sad biological fact is that as the years go on, it can be harder and harder for women to conceive. Furthermore, chance of chromosomal abnormalities goes up with age. I hate these facts, but that's the way it is. I used to think that people said that to make me feel bad about not having children or to pressure me or to imply that I'm lagging behind my already child-full peers.

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looks like Alla put a nice summary on the subject... and the fact of life is that there is no wright or wrong answer to this one at all... and eveone(woman or man) is on their own in finding that answer and more importantly sticking to their decision and being happy with it .....or changing sides to being happy on the other side of the fence if it comes to that

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Amen Ribelk.... Always judge others by the same standards as you would want them to judge you

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Make each day count to improve yourself and those around you

I learned a lot also pom... nice to hear a different perspective and learn a little more about how women feel about such an important thing. Always judge others by the same standards as you would want them to judge you

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Make each day count to improve yourself and those around you