In Russia, many adopted children NEVER knew they were adopted. People used to change residencies and move far away from the neighbors or others who knew about adoption so the child would never find out. [/quote] In America the belief is to tell the adopted kids that they are adopted. I used to think-why tell, if I were in a similar situation- I would not. But after talking to several adoptive parents who took special adoption classes classes and training, I agree (and it is harmful not to) that parents must tell the kids-at some point or another that there is no biological connection, because 1. The child might find out from neighbor parents or kids about it-not good 2. Some how, deep down the child knows and feels it 3. In case the child is of different ethnicity from his/her parents- that needs to be explained (why would you treat an Asian child differently from a white child?)I have heard from a co-worker of mind who was adopting from China a real story about another couple who also adopted from China- the kid was not told yet-he was little, but not little to know he looked differently- so he ran to the mirror every day to see when he would finally start looking like his family- not good either. 4. Medical emergency- the kid may have one- he would be asked about his medical history and more importantly family history. First, it is not the best time to find out, and second- if he talks about his adoptive family history he might be given wrong drugs or treatment-the child should know he does not share the biological inheritance for his own safety.

---

I really don't understand why people in Russia have such a negative view of adoption.....here it is viewed positively. The equivalent 'negative' issue here in the USA would be a girl, especially a high school girl, that gets pregnant out of wedlock. These days, it happens so often that it's no big deal. But 20 years ago, and before that, famillies would move away, or send the girl to 'Europe for a year' so she could secretly have the baby. I guess it's a religious thing here - a child born out of wedlock makes the mother a slut and the baby a bastard - both outside the acceptance of the church; so our society rejected mother & child. Growing up with communism means you didn't get brainwashed by the church that sex is dirty and children out of wedlock are a sin worthy of banishment. "Your ad here"

---

"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable."

412, didn't you hear about "problems of dual citizenship"?.. I was talking about those issues. :) [url="http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=684817"] [/url]

---

music of meah

They changed their names… So what? I changed my first name legally because nobody could pronounce it right. I think that Leah sensed something else in those people that was more appalling than just changing the names. I read recently in my local newspaper about a family that adopted four children from Russia – two pair of twins. First they adopted two girls - 3 or 4 years olds. Then, they discovered that in Russia those girls have two brothers, also twins –8 years old. So, they adopted the brothers too. And all the first names were changed. Now those four children have a happy family they never knew and most likely never would have in their country. Why you people are so obsessed with children’s national identity and dual citizenship? Your children all are Americans already… Even if they speak a little Russian. Probably in Russia and Ukraine they need to ban all adoptions to foreign countries that nobody can take those children away?

---

It is not a question of Ukranian heritage, the kids being from an orphanage or even the fact that their parents might have been abusing alcoholics. It is a matter of taking something away from a child. Taking away the child's name. Especially from a child who has nothing else. When an adult changes his name or parents change the name of a small baby it is less damaging because in a first case an adult does it knowingly having thought about it carefully and in the second case the baby doesn't yet know what his name is. 4 and 8 year olds already identify themselves with their names. Stripping them of that tell them that somehow their names were bad, maybe they are bad. Why would someone want to do that to a kid? The fact that adoptive rednecks are not going to expose kids to Ukranian heritage seems less damaging as kids are going to want to fit in with American kids when they get here. They'll want to be accepted, just like all kids want to be accepted. Having undergone a name change will tell them that in order to be accepted in the future they'll need to be altering their self, be that a name or a hair style.

---

I agree with Leah. And I don't like the name Clair, too; well they could give the girl a list with names to choose. Moreover, as I know almost all Americans have two names. Why not to say that is is additional name. Not something like - now your name is "...".

---

This is like deja vu all over again. Yogi Berra

They likely picked out names back when they were trying to have children. Or maybe those are family names - her mom is Claire and his Dad is Sam? Natasha is a name I've heard before for American kids. I think I even remember an American girl named Ninashka or something like that (her parents may have been Russian). I suppose if it were me, I would have kept Natasha which is a pretty name, but Viktor is odd - that name would have to go. Anyway, it's none of our business really - it's not like any of us have gone to the troube to adopt 2 kids! "Sam". geez, is that the best they can do? Sam Viktor Redneck. Claire Natasha Redneck. lol maybe someday they will do an internet search and find this posting and that will start the hunt for their parents - who may not have been alcoholics! Maybe they died in a car crash or something..... "Your ad here"

---

"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable."

quote:

---

Originally posted by green_minstrey: 412, didn't you hear about "problems of dual citizenship"?.. I was talking about those issues. :)

---

No, do tell. The kid is entitled to have both citizenships, no country in this case would deny it to him.

---

I know a lot of adopted kids, because i work with kids, 99% of their names (first) were changed, but original names were kept as middle names....

---

I don't know how to react to this. On one hand those people are adopting those kids and that is a good thing. On the other hand, in the story, those people sounded bad, very bad..... In the end , if kids get a good home and loving parents - who cares what their names are and where they came from ??

---

- Независимость - это когда в 20-й раз наступаешь на одни и те же грабли, а русские уже ни при чем....

quote:

---

Originally posted by natalya: It is not a question of Ukranian heritage, the kids being from an orphanage or even the fact that their parents might have been abusing alcoholics. It is a matter of taking something away from a child. Taking away the child's name. Especially from a child who has nothing else. When an adult changes his name or parents change the name of a small baby it is less damaging because in a first case an adult does it knowingly having thought about it carefully and in the second case the baby doesn't yet know what his name is. 4 and 8 year olds already identify themselves with their names. Stripping them of that tell them that somehow their names were bad, maybe they are bad. Why would someone want to do that to a kid? The fact that adoptive rednecks are not going to expose kids to Ukranian heritage seems less damaging as kids are going to want to fit in with American kids when they get here. They'll want to be accepted, just like all kids want to be accepted. Having undergone a name change will tell them that in order to be accepted in the future they'll need to be altering their self, be that a name or a hair style.

---

Very eloquently stated. You have explained a lot of what has been bothering me about all of this. “No one but a fool is always right.” -David Hare

quote:

---

Originally posted by 412: You are not shining today. Two words for you: dual citizenship.

---

Well, I thought that's what you meant, but Pom's reaction made me wonder if I was missing something. Your ex sounds like a good and caring person. “No one but a fool is always right.” -David Hare

quote:

---

Originally posted by natalya: I feel bad about this too. Could you have said anything to them?

---

I don't know. I keep asking myself that. From a professional standpoint, I probably said more than I should have. I conveyed enough dismay that they got defensive about it, but I do wonder if I could have somehow found the right words to change their minds. Or, maybe they'd have just dug in their heels tighter in response to a stranger trying to tell them what to do regarding "their" children. I just don't know. I placed the order for their furnishings today and wondered briefly if I should have used fake names in this topic. It could be awkward if they land on this forum to ask questions and see this topic. I suppose that's unlikely though. “No one but a fool is always right.” -David Hare

I agree with you, Leah, I don't think changing the names at ages 4 & 8 is appropriate. Nothing wrong with the names Natasha and Victor in my opinion. Nothing wrong with them retaining their Ukrainian heritage either. I have two Ukrainian kids. One has accent (boy) one speaks better southern than I do.. (girl). I think it is appropriate that they are proud of their Ukrainian heritage and I actively encourage this. But my situation is different. Their mother is here with them, and they both have a known family in Ukraine, including aunts, uncles, cousins...etc..... But your story bothered me too. Always judge others by the same standards as you would want them to judge you

---

Make each day count to improve yourself and those around you

We have a guy at work who has four adopted children! He and his wife adopted four kids from Kazakhstan and have two of their own. How they are able to handle six kids is beyond me. But back to the original discussion... I asked him if they changed any of their adopted kids names and if this is something common is adoptive families. He said that when they adopted one girl she was two at the time they did try to change her name, but she would not accept the new one, so they changed their mind. They did change the name of the boy because his original name was difficult to spell and pronounce. However, he was eleven months at the time, so he did not care. In his opinion by the time a child is over one year old he knows his name and will not accept a change. As for reasons he says it is impossible to second guess what the motivation is. Sometimes parents are set on a name, sometimes it is too difficult to pronounce, in some cultures you supposed to name kids in honor of relatives, etc. We just don't know about this case and when the reasoning is. Overall, I should say that adopting a child is the most selfless and noble act I can think of. Sasha

---

Sasha

-------------------
Work is a matter of taste. If you don't work you don't taste.