Видимо, как есть бабушки, которые "всё знают" и которых дети всегда вели себя везде хорошо и в любом возрасте, так есть и мамаши, которые обычное психологическое взросление ребёнка называют словами типа "не умеет себя вести, а вот у меня..." или же "надо больше строгости, а то и т. д." Дорогая Каркуша, это просто замечательно, что у вас такой понятливый, аккуратный и послушный ребёнок. Наверное, не перегну палку, если скажу, что все за вас искренне рады. Тем не менее, большинство детей проходят через ту или иную фазу, когда и в истерике бьются и едой кидаются. Можно всё запретить, но на определённом этапе ребёнок перенасытится вашими категоричными запретами. Ребёнок не солдат на плацу. И на его уровне обяснять ему почему нельзя даже очень нужно.

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Karkusha, molodets! Tak derzhat'! :) Etomu obschestvu nuzhni polnotsennie, emotsional'no i psixicheski uravnoveshennie otpriski, a to defitsit nastayot!

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"Some say the Muses are nine: how careless! Look, there's Sappho too, from Lesbos, the tenth." Plato

Пыталась прочитать все посты в этой теме... слишком много эмоций и слов...
Раньше(лет 20 назад),говорили что первый переходный период наступает у ребенка около 3-х лет,потом в 7, 13 и так далее. Теперь это уже в 2 года? Акселерация ?
У меня все это было давно, я помню только, что проявлялось по другому - желание делать все самим,упрямство... Что бы мои дети в кричали на меня в 2-3 года?! Или я бы слушала, что мне будут говорить в дет.саду?! Помоему, это просто "горе от ума".Ребенок в 2 года должен быть вовремя накормлен, вовремя спать уложен и свободен от болячек - и он/она будет послушен и не будет капризничать. Да и надо иногда идти на компромис с дитем, если оно уставшее и голодное, а Вам хочется/нужно быть "на людях".Если бы все понимали, что Ваше дите самое-самое для Вас, а для меня просто чей-то ребенок,то не тащили бы 1,5 - 2 летнего дитенка в ресторан, где много народа, шума, что само уже делает такую кроху нервным...

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Alla:

 P.S. BagelRoll, mojet davai na amerimamu? tam srazu nadoyut sovetov! www.amerimama.com  (sorry Kost', a mojno tut linki davat' to other forums? ne znau..)

Looks awesome!  Thanks for sharing!  (Sorry Kostya).

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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when her mother is feeling chilly. ~Ambrose Bierce

natasha8:

А свою дочь я научила, что когда у нее отбирают вещи/игрушки (т.е. насильно вырывают из рук), их надо взять обратно.  Допускаю, что многие со мной не согласяться.  Просто я, зная свою дочь, которая будет потом бояться подходить к этому ребенку, решила, что я должна ее научить постоять за себя (звучит агрессивно, но, я думаю, Вы поймете).  Когда же у нее просят поделиться, то она знает, что у нее есть выбор.  Если она не хочет играть одна, то надо делиться. 

This is exactly what I want to do, but I fear that my little girl may go overboard.  How is it working out for you?

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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when her mother is feeling chilly. ~Ambrose Bierce

Karkusha:

Yes, you can avoid terrible twos...it is a 2 year old for god's sake...if you can't control a 2 year old, just go and shoot yourself because there is NO way you will be able to control that child when he/she is a teenager. I have seen so many parents that calmly (more like "I don't care anymore") are telling their child: "Honey, no, sweety don't do that, good kids don't behave like that, honey, mama said no, sweety don't..." and all that while the spoiled brat is tearing down and crashing everything in sight. I just want to punch those parents' lights out. Or when you are at a restaurant and a child screams for 30 min, and parents are trying to ignore it because you have to be calm with your child. Yeah? How about 50 other people that have to listen to it?

I see what you are saying, but it just doesn't apply in my situation.  If my child misbehaves, she is punished.  She knows why she's being punished because we talk about it (on her level). We haven't had any real tantrums at restaurants - usually keeping her busy while there does the trick. I simply don't take her out if she's in an irritable mood...

Karkusha:

I don't think talking to a 2 year old helps that much...4 years old - yes, a 4 year old can understand you but not a 2 year old, I am sorry, but NO she can not understand your lectures, and she is not pretending. Everybody's child is "special" nowdays, everybody's child is a leader. Get real. I don't want to be negative but all this "heart bleeding liberal" stuff is just makes me want to throw up. A two year old just wants to know where her boudaries are. She needs to learn what is acceptable and what is not. She is testing the waters, and the quicker you tell her what she can and can not do the less confused she is going to be.

You are right - a lecture is a waste of time.  Todders don't have the attention span for it.  This does not mean they don't understand anything.  You yourself said they have to understand the boundaries, so you must agree that it is possible to talk and even "get through" to them.   Here's an example... a few months ago, when my daughter got overly excited she would bite me.  It's an odd reaction, and she didn't do it on purpose... simply couldn't control herself.  It took a couple of time out + explanations that it hurt, and it stopped happening.  How do I know that the talking worked?  Because hours after the punishment, she would come up to me, make a sad face and say, "mama bol'no..." and kiss me.

 

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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when her mother is feeling chilly. ~Ambrose Bierce

Minime21:

 my govorim o 2xletkax.

 Vot imenno, chto pri pravil'noj reakcii na opredelennye vspleski emocij 2xletok, resul'tat - buduschee rebenka (i ego sootvetstvujuschee povedenie).

Minime21:

ok, mne ooooochen' interesno, kogda vse govoryat, chto parents HAVE TO BE FIRM with their kids. what do you mean by that?
 

  When the time comes, you'll know what to do (when you'll need to decide for yourself, well, for your child: if it's normal/appropriate/acceptable behavior).

  And if you won't know what to do and no one is around for help-advise, then, you'll still have the result of your actions-reactions in the future behavior of your child, but I guess it will be individualized (personalized) result.
 

 

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*Good*Boy*

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just remember.. before you insult someone.. walk a mile in their shoes.. that way you're a mile away.. and you have their shoes
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Bagel Roll:

natasha8:

А свою дочь я научила, что когда у нее отбирают вещи/игрушки (т.е. насильно вырывают из рук), их надо взять обратно.  Допускаю, что многие со мной не согласяться.  Просто я, зная свою дочь, которая будет потом бояться подходить к этому ребенку, решила, что я должна ее научить постоять за себя (звучит агрессивно, но, я думаю, Вы поймете).  Когда же у нее просят поделиться, то она знает, что у нее есть выбор.  Если она не хочет играть одна, то надо делиться. 

This is exactly what I want to do, but I fear that my little girl may go overboard.  How is it working out for you?

 Well, it is working, as far as it can work for a child who does not go to day care and is not used to a lot of interaction with other kids.  At first, when someone would push her at the playground, on purpose, she would cry and run to Mommy and ask to go home. It pissed me off that the parents of those kids would just sit there and watch their kids be rude and not say anything.  I had to do something.  Then, when I told her that she can push back, BUT only after someone pushed her first, she would first look at me and if I nodded then she would push back.  It is a very fine line, but it helped her to not be afraid to be around kids.  Now she does not really care if someone pushes her, she just goes on doing whatever she was doing. She is much taller than kids her age, so she does not fall easily and she simply does not care anymore.  But if someone grabs her toys, she will grab them back, and she will not let go.  She has never hit/pushed someone first, never, and I think it is because I explicitly told her that she cannot do that.  She never even tried; I might have exaggerated the consequences of what would happen if she did.  Some people do not and did not approve, but I don't believe in the whole "if someone hit your right cheek, give them your left one" principle; not in our world. 

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GoodBoy:

  When the time comes, you'll know what to do (when you'll need to decide for yourself, well, for your child: if it's normal/appropriate/acceptable behavior).

  And if you won't know what to do and no one is around for help-advise, then, you'll still have the result of your actions-reactions in the future behavior of your child, but I guess it will be individualized (personalized) result. 

results are always personalized. net k sozhaleniu kopirki s kotoroy mozhno vospityvat' detok.....all I'm saying is whatever works for you may not work for anybody else. and kids at 2 may behave absolutely differently just in one year.

and again it's one of those subjects where everybody will have lots of differences.
  

 

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I wanted to thank all the mommies and the daddies for the feedback, suggestions, and support...  I'm happy to say we're over our "sensitive" phase... of course, that drove us straight into something else (we don't like naps these days), but it seems that dealing with issues gets to be progressively "easier" with time. 

 

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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when her mother is feeling chilly. ~Ambrose Bierce

At least until puberty knocks on the door!!! 

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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when her mother is feeling chilly. ~Ambrose Bierce

puberty advice....   tell teenagers that you brought them into this world....      and by goodness, you can take them OUT. 

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Make each day count to improve yourself and those around you

That's funny MKG :)  I've always been more of a "positive reinforcement" type... but who knows, by the time my little monkey grows up, that will probably change.

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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when her mother is feeling chilly. ~Ambrose Bierce

Seriously, Bagel Roll, I don't know of a person on this forum who won't tell you that the raising of children through the teenage years is the most difficult thing you will do as a parent.  One minute you want to hug them,   the next you want to beat them senseless.  I'll never forget the first time I realized that my little angel daughter had just looked me square in the face with that little angel smile and lied to me on purpose, thinking she was lying effectively to get to do something I had forbidden her to do.  Boy, it hurt.  But it's something we all live through.

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Make each day count to improve yourself and those around you

Yeah.  I'm glad I have good 8-9 years before I have to worry about it.  I'll tell you, though... lying is one thing I absolutely can not tolerate.  If I ever use physical discipline (which I'm not a huge proponent of), it will be in response to a lie.

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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when her mother is feeling chilly. ~Ambrose Bierce