There have now been posts from Russian speaking men in two different topics about expecting women to do the cooking.  I'd like to hear more about these expectations.

If one spouse (for this topic, we will say the working spouse is the male) is working full time and the other spouse does not work, it makes sense, a fair division of labor. 

But, do you expect the wife/woman to cook even if both spouses work full time?  If so, how do you justify that?  And, if both work full time and the wife is expected to do the cooking, what duties do you (the husband) take on so that the division of labor is fair? 

 

>  how do you justify that? 

i think, this is the question that has to be addressed to russian women, since they are usually the ones who insist on being the weaker sex, feminine, care-giving, etc.... (they are the ones who wanna keep playing gender roles)

my understanding is that - unlike in american culture - it has nothing to do with who works more, etc., that is, no justification needed... it is done by default.

it's sort of like asking a russian woman why she wants to have kids - she'll stare at you as if you are nuts or something = "do you even have to ask such a stupid question?":-)

PS: ...or suggesting an adoption..... she'll give you the same crazy look:-) 

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If this is merely the preference of Russian women and not an expectation by the men, why was it men who posted that Russian men will expect cooking?

Perhaps an additional question to the men should be "Do you expect her to do all the cooking?" 

Leah:

If this is merely the preference of Russian women and not an expectation by the men, why was it men who posted that Russian men will expect cooking?

Perhaps an additional question to the men should be "Do you expect her to do all the cooking?" 

Well, not all, but the most of cooking, yes. Russian women expect their husbands to bring water from the well and split the firewood to heat the house.

Not a preference but an expectation, from men, from mothers/grandmothers/etc. It's a cultural thing. Russian culture is still very much traditional. Besides, women have to cook because oftentimes that's the only way the family will be fed. Some husbands don't even try to learn to cook. But that's just like here, I imagine. Having said that, I know a dozen Russian families where men were/are the primary cooks. Both spouses cook (well) but men just like doing it more.

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Actually, I was about to add what Muidugi just said.

The expectations go both ways. Russian women expect men to be providers, with a larger salary and various "manly" character traits. Again, in reality, things are much different.

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Dasha:

Not a preference but an expectation, from men, from mothers/grandmothers/etc. It's a cultural thing. Russian culture is still very much traditional. Besides, women have to cook because oftentimes that's the only way the family will be fed. Some husbands don't even try to learn to cook. But that's just like here, I imagine. Having said that, I know a dozen Russian families where men were/are the primary cooks. Both spouses cook (well) but men just like doing it more.

Yes, actually it is often like that here, unfortunately.  I'm glad to hear about the families you know.  That makes a lot more sense, that the family divides the labor by preference and/or skills, rather that just following outdated tradition.  :)

Muidugi:

Leah:

If this is merely the preference of Russian women and not an expectation by the men, why was it men who posted that Russian men will expect cooking?

Perhaps an additional question to the men should be "Do you expect her to do all the cooking?" 

Well, not all, but the most of cooking, yes. Russian women expect their husbands to bring water from the well and split the firewood to heat the house.

Well, I can turn on the tap and adjust the thermostat myself. 

Leah:

Muidugi:

Leah:

If this is merely the preference of Russian women and not an expectation by the men, why was it men who posted that Russian men will expect cooking?

Perhaps an additional question to the men should be "Do you expect her to do all the cooking?" 

Well, not all, but the most of cooking, yes. Russian women expect their husbands to bring water from the well and split the firewood to heat the house.

Well, I can turn on the tap and adjust the thermostat myself. 

Shhh... Russian women don't know that.

>>> I know a dozen Russian families where men were/are the primary cooks

ok, we need more info, cuz otherwise that statement doesn't say much..

so, that dozen is out of how many families that you know? out of 20? 50? 200?

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I agree about the cultural reasons, i disagree about labor division or any sort of "fairness" being in play at all on this issue, in a stable (traditional) family unit where neither spouse has insecurities.

In my experience with members of older generations (Russian OR American), each did things in their day because that's what they did, that's who they were to their families.  Since a numerical cost cannot be assigned to each task in providing for or taking care of one's family, if discussions about division of labor arise, just divorce.  You are either being taken advantage of, or you are a selfish ***.  That's not advice, that's the way things already are.  That's the resolution.

This problem was invented out of thin air, and resolved, all within a couple of generations.  Nice going

 

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"Я это понимаю на рациональном уровне, но не могу принять на эмоциональном" --Бизнесмен Борис Березовский

Egor:

I agree about the cultural reasons, i disagree about labor division or any sort of "fairness" being in play at all on this issue, in a stable (traditional) family unit where neither spouse has insecurities.

In my experience with members of older generations (Russian OR American), each did things in their day because that's what they did, that's who they were to their families.  Since a numerical cost cannot be assigned to each task in providing for or taking care of one's family, if discussions about division of labor arise, just divorce.  You are either being taken advantage of, or you are a selfish ***.  That's not advice, that's the way things already are.

harsh... 

what's harsh is you, always replying to my messages, before i edit in some final thoughts... 

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"Я это понимаю на рациональном уровне, но не могу принять на эмоциональном" --Бизнесмен Борис Березовский

Egor:

what's harsh is you, always replying to my messages, before i edit in some final thoughts... 

I don't see the edited version as any less harsh, but what sort of time delay would you prefer before I respond to your posts? 

according to tradition, Russian men require 5 minutes to complete a forum post.

But to make things fair, American women are allowed to completely delete their own posts for unspecified amounts of time.

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"Я это понимаю на рациональном уровне, но не могу принять на эмоциональном" --Бизнесмен Борис Березовский